Coming to the Valley of Elah

The bible story of David and Goliath speaks of David's defeat of the great giant in the Valley of Elah. Often when we hear this story we hear about the size of David, who was short in stature compared to Goliath, who was a giant even among his own very large people. When I think of this story today I think not of the battle between two men, but the battle between David and his family.

David, who worked as a shepherd boy, lived separate from his family for most of his life. His days were spent taking care of his sheep, writing songs and talking to God. They developed a relationship of trust and understanding. They spent time together, shared thoughts and gifts, went on vacations and took time from their busy schedules to talk during the work week. God visited with David, David with God through songs, thoughts and love. David found a satisfaction in the separation from his family, a comfort that only he and God understood.

When I thought of the lost of my brother this morning, I thought of David. I thought of his separation from his brothers, his family, the many hours he spent without their comfort and their love. I thought of how easy it is to find oneself without the touch, the sound or smell of family and home. I thought of how we can develop the habit of separatism, much like vegetarianism or Catholicism over time and grow comfortable with it. So when I thought of my brother Lotell Davis this morning, I thought of David's trek to the Valley of Elah. I thought of how hard it must have been for David - not to face Goliath, but to face the family he'd lived separate from for many years. I imagine David, who did not fear the giant (after all he'd killed a bear and a lion), descending the mountain toward a reunion with his brothers and his father who awaited him in the Valley of Elah. I thought of his fear and apprehension, his concern and love for them becoming the giant.

Relationships are often like that, giants. Sometimes it feels as though the gap is so wide that it can no longer be breached. Sometimes we stumble on the right words and the right feelings towards each other. But like David, we have to head towards togetherness. We have to head towards the thing we fear most and tackle it softly and quietly with our own slingshot. Relationships are not easy. If we do not respect that about them we are bound for failure. We have practice at them. We have to call when we don't feel like calling. We have to visit when we don't feel like visiting. We have to love when we don't feel like loving.

We must enter our own Valley of Elah. We must battle the giants in our relationships. We must win.

Peace Unto You
Tina

Peace and Loving Yourself

Yesterday I attended a Peace and Love Yourself Rally for women. I left with the burden of knowing that as women we often do not find peace or love in our lives, especially towards ourselves. We women spend so much time beating ourselves up for the things we have done in the past, the things we still continue to do today, and we walk, crawl, run away with internal wounds that only we can see and carry.
What I've found over many years of searching is that loving ourselves is loving God. When we beat upon ourselves we are actually beating upon the Creator who knew we would do the crazy things that we did, and continue to do so. Loving ourselves, our mistakes, our failures, right and wrong things is loving God. We tend to forgive others quicker than we forgive ourselves, accepting their mistakes and their apologies while still struggling with our own.

One of the most frustrating things in my life is the recorder that runs endlessly throughout my mind replaying the moments of the previous day. There are times that it's insidious buzzing wakes me up the middle of the night demanding my attention, or follows me into the sunrise the new day, the volume of my words increasing with each waking moment. I replay over and over again what I said, what I did, what I wish I would have said, what I wish didn't do - until finally I yell STOP forcing the carousel in my mind to come to screeching halt. Sometimes I have to scream stop a few times before the hammer of self doubt falls only to rise again with the next day.

Peace and Loving myself just ain't easy, but every day when I force that stop out of my heart, my mind, my lips, I move closer to loving myself, loving God.

Peace unto you,
Tina